Spot that pre-med!

1 01 2008

It’s a game I like to play while on campus, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the years. In other sciences, such as math or physics, the students often realize how little they know and how far they need to go. Pre-meds can be spotted by the flaunting of knowledge on the simple-folk, because as they often remind us, they are ‘pretty much doctors already.’ After all, I learned today that mitochondria are the ‘powerhouse of the cell ‘. Call me into surgery now – because the rest is just minutia.

Why do I see such behavior from only the biology majors (many of whom are pre-meds, even though 80% end up switching), and not from others? It’s pretty simple really – they believe that only the smartest people have the honor of being doctors and because they are certainly about to become one, they get the right to lord their infinitely higher intellect over everyone else. Coming from a different field, this is obviously untrue – the “smartest” people (if such a term can be objectively defined) that I’ve met were in my previous major and job (math and engineering). Really, if you can do an upper level math or engineering course at my school, there is no biology course that comes close in undergrad, in terms of remotely reaching the same level of complexity and application of knowledge. Memorizing the Krebs Cycle does not make you smart buddy – it just means you’ve memorized the Krebs Cycle.

Another interesting aspect of a pre-med is the level of backstabbing that goes on and the gunners that roam the hallways. Enter an introductory biology course, and you’d think that you’re playing political espionage in the court of a medieval Tsar. In classes that are graded on a curve, I’ve seen students pour exceptional energies into sabotaging the grade of their fellow classmates. Joining a study group and giving out incorrect answers? Messing up the labs of others? Refusing to ask questions in public so the rest of the class won’t hear the answers? I’ve seen it all. You’d think that if they put half that time into studying, they wouldn’t need to sabotage everyone else.

Obviously, now you are asking, “Why bust on all the pre-meds? How do you reconcile all this hatred with the fact that you are now one of them?” My answer is – go fuck yourself. Don’t you know that I now possess complete knowledge of the cell after learning about the mitochondrion, the powerhouse of the cell?

In other news, I really hope that I get into a PBL school because my motto is simple – One word, two syllables: intimidation.




4 responses

3 01 2008

So what’s your major?

3 01 2008

It was Computer Science/Information Systems. Pretty much done now – starting post-bac soon.

7 08 2008

Ha! Hilarious and exactly right.

6 09 2008


As a halfassed premed, I must laugh.

And say that there is no Bio course that would flatten my GPA as badly as Calc. based Physics.

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